Distraction
by Arlesanna
Summary: Stella desperately needs a distraction. Who will be able to provide it for her? The smouldering Tanya Reed Smith? The young Tom Anderson? Jim Burns is not giving up hope and Matt Eastwood is being Matt Eastwood. And of course, Paul Spector is the biggest distraction of all. UPD chapters 8 and 9 have been added! Thanks for tuning in! A.
1. Chapter 1

24 hours later. Stella was sitting in the hotel bar. Same table. Sipping the same whiskey. But she was different.

All the events of the previous day running through her head - police in her room, Dani looking scared, Eastwood in charge, her trying to keep it together as they rummaged through her room, her clothes, her underwear, as they read through her diary, as they scanned the room for prints and DNA.

She was offered to move, but there was no point really. So they resorted to putting a 24-hour surveillance on her room and a guard in the room on the other side of the corridor.

"No more one-night stands for me" - was the first thought of the day that made Stella smile. It was inappropriate to be thinking that at the time, but it broke through the wave of dread that had been washing over her since she read the killer's note in her diary.

Stella sipped her whiskey and stared at her phone - no messages. That meant there had been no developments today. As she looked up she was faced with a very worried Reed Smith.

"Mind if I sit down?" Reed asked carefully.

Stella nodded and Reed joined her at the table. Stella motioned for the waiter to come up and Reed felt a strong deja vu feeling. The situation was exactly the same as yesterday, Stella even wore the same outfit. Stella noticed Reed looking her up and down and explained casually:

"My whole room is evidence now, they've confiscated all my clothes. A single-malt whiskey, Make it a double please" - she addressed the waiter without changing her tone.

"I'll just have a coke, thank you." Reed knew she shouldn't drink alcohol, she still had to drive back home later.

Reed felt sad and angry. She could only imagine what Stella must be going through especially since she knew her to be a very private person. She tried to cheer the woman up:

"We could get on my bike and go shopping? Maybe you would like that to take your mind off… Things"

"Yeah, can you imagine the headlines: "Superintendent Gibson picks out clothes in Prada while the serial killer picks out his next victim." Stella chuckled.

"You could always wear the helmet", - Reed couldn't help herself and was rewarded with a genuine smile from Stella. She could see the detective was exhausted. " I talked to Dani, she told me everything. I'm sorry about yesterday…"

"It's nothing," - Stella interrupted her before Reed could continue, but she kept on talking:

"it must have been hard being there alone, coming in and finding out someone had been there. I just wish I was there with you..." Stella looked at her playfully, rising her eyebrows. "...As a friend." Reed finished cheekily.

"Right. **Friend**." Stella smiled to herself and sipped her whiskey.

Reed could feel something was off - she could see Stella was not saying something. Then again Stella was always not saying something, but this time it was like she wanted to share, Reed just had to come up with the right question. Instead Reed came up with a straightforward one:

"Stella, what's wrong?" Reed felt silly asking that since she knew pretty much everything was wrong right now. But she felt there was more to it.

"Can you keep a secret?" from Stella's answer Reed knew immediately there was indeed more to it.

"Depends on the secret." Reed lowered her voice as did Stella.

"He was still in the room when I came in, at least I believe so" - Stella took in Reed's shocked expression and continued: "it's not in the official report, but he was there. Hiding in the wardrobe." Stella finished her drink in one big gulp.

"God. Did you see him?"

"No, I went to the bathroom and then he left. I only noticed a bit later when I opened my computer - he changed the wallpaper. And then I found the diary."

"Oh." - Reed said, realisation downing on her as she repeated with a different tone: "Oh."

"What?"

"He could have hurt you. And if we'd come up together he could have watched us… Oh my God", - Reed covered her mouth with her hand, shocked at the image in her head. She saw Stella smile to herself seconds passed by before Stella finally said, chuckling:

"No, he couldn't have."

"What do you mean?"

Stella paused, then continued calmly:

"About 5 minutes after I came in there was a knock on the door. It was Jim. He was drunk. He made a pass at me. I said no. He tried…"

"What?!" - Reed was shocked to hear all that, "That wasn't in the official report!"

"Oh, I know. He tried to force himself on me and I hit him in the nose. There was blood. That's why I… we went to the bathroom. I think that's when the killer left the room."

"Why didn't you tell anyone? Jim tried to force himself on you?"

"It wasn't too bad. I handled it."

"Stella!"

Instead if answering Stella fixed her with an icy glare. Reed had so many things running through her mind, so many things she wanted to say, but what came out was:

"I need a real drink."

"I could use a second one."


	2. Chapter 2

They drank in silence, both engrossed in their own thoughts. Reed was the first to break the silence.

"You didn't report it to protect him." - It wasn't a question, more of an affirmation.

"It doesn't change anything."

"Reporting your diary doesn't change anything, but you did that. You turned you private life into the read of the month without a second thought."

"I thought about not reporting it as well," - Stella admitted with a sigh. "But the killer might use some of the things written there against me, against the investigation. There were matters to consider that were more important then my privacy."

"Like catching the killer."

"Yeah, something like that." - Stella smiled ironically and Reed continued in a mischievous tone:

"Though seeing Eastwood read the note in which you called him a "presumptuous misogynist dickhead" was priceless."

"Cheers to that." - They exchanged another playful look and then Stella's phone rang and the moment was ruined. Just like yesterday all over again.

"Gibson…. Great…. Thank you Dani." - Stella disconnected. "Looks like they are finished and I can finally get my room and my clothes back."

"You're going to go back there? Sleep there?" - Reed knew she sounded a bit too worried, but she couldn't help it.

"Why not? There is surveillance now and there are two police officer in the opposite room watching the corridor at all times. As long as he is not spider man I am safe."

"Hell, how can we be sure that asshole can't climb walls. He's full of surprises."

"That he is, but so am I," - Stella smiled intriguingly and Reed smiled back:

"I know surprised me last night."

"Good surprise?" - Reed sucked in a breath before answering:

"Good surprise." - She finished her drink and managed a somewhat awkward smile.

"Good. I though I might have miscalculated after you…. You know… left," - Stella teased playfully.

"I almost came back."

"That would have been fun. All four of us in the room," - Stella said quietly and looked Reed in the eye.

Seconds later both burst out laughing. It took them a while to calm down, the tension and the anxiety of the previous weeks dissolving slowly.

"Thank you, I needed that." - Stella said, still a bit breathless. " I think I should go up, to be honest I'm exhausted."

"You must be if you admit to that. Want some company?" - Reed asked innocently and was faced with Stella's best amused face and a crooked eyebrow.

"Weren't you brought up in… what was that? Croydon?"

"Yeah, that didn't really mean anything. i just chickened out," - Reed admitted, blush creeping up her cheeks.

"So i figured." - Stella watched Reed intensely and the woman felt even more uncomfortable under that gaze.

"Never mind then, I should get going," - Reed was feeling out of her depth again, just like yesterday, just like every time she was near the enigmatic detective.

"You probably should." - Stella motioned for the waiter to bring over the check.

Reed didn't move from her side as they exchanged glances. Stella looked relaxed, much better then half an hour ago when Reed found her here drinking alone. She felt proud that this improvement was her doing.

"I don't really want to." - she admitted quietly. Stella studied her for a moment, before averting her eyes.

"You don't really have to" - came her reply.

Reed slowly brought her hand up to cup Stella's face. She caressed the porcelain skin of her cheek and brought Stella closer, whispering in her ear:

"Don't think I didn't notice how you dodged my question about protecting Jim." - Reed moved away from Stella, looking her in the eye: " Why are you doing this? After he tried to hurt you…"

"Are you prying again?" - Stella all but hissed, narrowing her eyes at Reed.

"Yes?" - Reed answered, making her "yes" sound more like a question then an affirmation.

"I see. You are used to people not hiding anything from you. Especially when you're on one one with them dead and naked in the morgue."

"That was crude. I deal with real people too, remember? Two kids mean I must have some people skills."

"Then you must be aware that people like some things to remain private."

"Fine.: - Reed finished her drink. "I'll stop prying."

"No, don't. I kind of like it." - Stella smirked and got up.

Reed looked up at her, slightly angry:

"You like blowing me off, don't you?"

"As far as I remember that is your prerogative." - the sensual smile was playing on Stella's lips and Reed knew she lost this one. Stella gave her another small smile and left, walking towards the elevators.

After a moment's hesitation Reed followed.


	3. Chapter 3

Reed saw Stella waiting for the elevator and the deja vu feeling washed over her again. She moved to come up to the blond detective, when the elevator doors opened and Matt Eastwood emerged. Reed saw him and Stella talking quietly and she knew immediately she should leave.

"It's not happening tonight, deal with it" - she told herself, turning around and leaving, before anyone from the police could see her.

* * *

Stella was waiting for the elevator. She was exhausted both morally and physically and the only thing she wanted was to climb in her bed, kick of her shoes and sleep for preferably more then four hours. The elevator doors opened and she was faced by a very grim-looking Matt Eastwood.

"Have you seen the video from hotel CCTV?" - he said instead of greeting her properly.

"Not yet, why?" - Stella felt another wave of dread wash over her. Deep inside she knew why.

"He was in there. The killer. He was in the room with you. Or should I say with you and Jim Burns? What was he doing there by the way?" - Matt Eastwood was staring at her intently as if trying to solve her somehow.

"He came by. As you must see I am really tired so if you don't mind…" - Stella moved past him and pressed the elevator button again.

"Care to explain the bloody towel and tissues found in the bathroom? What the fuck went on there last night?"

The elevator doors opened. Stella moved past him not saying another word. Before the doors closed, she heard Matt ask her in a softer tone:

"What I meant was: are you alright, Stella?"

"I'm fine", with that the elevator doors closed.

Matt Eastwood let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

* * *

Stella was alone in the hotel room. The windows were open, curtains being blown in by the cold autumn air. She was tied to the bed, fully dressed, her silk blouse cold against her skin. Fear washing over her, as she saw the dark figure approaching her bed. The moonlight hit his face and she saw it was Jim.

"You pushed me to the limit and you will pay" he said in a quiet, dangerous voice as he approached her bed.

Stella tried to get away, but her binds were tight, hurting her wrists as she attempted to free herself. She tried to scream, but no sound left her lips. He was closer now, standing over her, looking at her with the eyes of James Olsen. James Olsen who said with a wry smile:

"You pushed me to the limit and you will pay"

Stella panicked as he climbed over her, covering her small form with his body. She felt sick as his unwelcome weight pinned her to the bed. Now he was face to face with her, their noses almost touching and it was Paul Spector, breathing into her lips, as he closed his hands around her neck:

"You pushed me to the limit and you will pay"

And then she was finally able to scream.

* * *

Stella woke up with a jerk, screaming and gasping for air.

She turned on the night lamp and searched her bed-stand for her diary. She realised it wasn't there seconds later, just as the door of her room flew open.

Stella let out another gasp, still coming out of her nightmare as she took in the familiar form of a detective, rushing into her room with a gun.

"What the fuck, Eastwood?" - She tried to maintain the calm tone, but she was angry and still breathless.

Eastwood looked around the room, slowly lowering the gun.

"You screamed" - he answered nonchalantly, putting the gun away.

"You taped my room?" - realisation downed on her and Stella wasn't too happy about it.

"He was here, Stella. It means you're getting close." - Matt closed the door and came back into the room, noticing a bottle of scotch on the table. He poured a glass and handed it to Stella. She took it, her fingers still trembling slightly. Stella knew he pretended not to notice as he continued calmly:

"You're pushing him to the limit and he's lashing out. I… We have to protect you."

A shiver rand down Stella's spine as she heard him utter the same words as the men in her dream. She took a big gulp of whiskey, feeling it burn her throat and travel down to her belly, warming her up from inside. Looking down on herself, she noticed she was sitting in her pyjamas on the bed, having kicked off the blanket completely. Stella felt silly sitting in front of Eastwood in her checkered pants and plain top. Those were packed just in case and last night she couldn't fight the urge to put them on. With her diary gone, her privacy violated and Jim acting out on top of that she just wanted to feel at home and getting into her cozy pyjamas was the perfect way to do that.

"You look quite homely" - Matt added with a smirk, as if reading her thoughts. Again. "Was it a nightmare?"

"Yes." she answered plainly. "Spector was just strangling me when you made the house call".

Another sip of whiskey and Stella was feeling better.

"I'd tell you to take your mind off him, but we both know you'll only be able to do that once he is caught. So…" Eastwood fell silent. He considered pouring himself a drink, but decided against it.

"I just need a distraction" - Stella said quietly, speaking to herself more then to Eastwood. Not that he would let that get by him:

"Next time, choose your distraction wisely. At least make sure they are not married first. It's a small city."

'Who is on duty watching my room tonight?" - Stella chose to ignore his comment.

"Richards" - Eastwood answered, looking out of the window, checking the street for casual or non-casual by-passers.

"Then what are you doing here?" - Stella fixed Eastwood with her icy glare, but it didn't seem to work on him.

After a long moment he smirked a bit (Stella came to notice this half smirk on him, somehow it was annoying the hell out of her).

"Just leaving" he said and headed for the door.

"Eastwood." Stella called after him, getting back under the covers.

"Yes?" Matt turned around mid-way.

"Make sure this barging into my room with a gun thing doesn't happen again."

"Even if you're being strangled to death?" he raised an eyebrow, watching her getting comfy on the bed once again.

"Yes, if it means I can finally get some sleep" - annoyance in her voice was spiced up by a hint of sarcasm and Eastwood knew she should be just fine. He shut the door behind him quietly.


	4. Chapter 4

_this Chapter is set right after 2x04_

* * *

24 hours later.

Stella finally closed the door behind her, locking all of the day's problems outside. She still couldn't believe their luck - that fuck up at Spector's house have cost them a lot. She didn't try to deceive herself into thinking he never guessed what had really happened. And if Spector got suspicious that would really complicate matters. Stella knew she would just have to wait and see. She climbed on the bed with her laptop, kicking of her shoes and letting out a quiet moan of pleasure as she could finally relax. It had truly been a long day, and she even dozed off at the morgue, which obviously made Reed very uncomfortable, even jumpy, but that wasn't her plan - she was just exhausted and it happened.

Stella was looking at the screen aimlessly, surfing the web all the while thinking about Rose. They still had a chance to find her, she just needs to play her cards right. Stella hoped that after the announcement to the press that Rose's body might have been found, Spector would try to prove her alive. But if he really suspected he was being watched the chances of him doing that would be very slim now. Stella closed her eyes and threw her head back against the pillow.

Rose might be dead or dying or locked up somewhere and it was entirely their fault. Her fault. Two small children could now lose their mother and for what? For a stupid face mock up that didn't really help? For all Stella knew Spector could have held it up to his face and no one would suspect it was actually him because of course he would seem like a good guy, a father of two, a husband, a bereavement counsellor for fucks sake. Stella felt sick at the thought of people pouring out their deepest, most guarded feelings of grief and anguish in front of that sadistic bastard. She thought about that couple that had lost their 10 year old son - and how they shared their pain with Spector, who must have enjoyed it, eaten it up like a desert, felt a rush of high running through his veins as he got near their despair, got to touch it and to get off on it.

Stella tried to breathe slowly as she felt anger boiling up inside her. Anger at herself, at Jim, at the policemen who were reckless enough to ruin the ceiling at Spector's house, at the ceiling itself, at Spector most of all and once again at herself for leading Spector straight to Rose. Inhale. Exhale. She desperately needed release from all the feelings, a distraction to calm her emotions down and let her mind work unclouded. Spector proved himself as a calculating and smart opponent, and a very good psychologist - slowly but steadily he kept playing her emotions like a skilled musician - the killings struck a note of compassion, Rose's disappearance triggered guilt, the invasion of her room brought on fear while breaking and entering into her most reserved and private life that existed on the pages of her diary hit the final chord - left her disoriented, shocked, lost even. And now, from a mixture of all the above, anger was born, the most blinding and useless emotion. Inhale. Exhale. Stella knew this had to stop now.

Somehow she needed to prevent herself from feeling exactly what the killer wanted her to feel, only then would she be able to trick him, trap him and finally catch him. Trying to calm down, Stella contemplated going down for a long swim, when somebody knocked on her door.

"What now?!" - Stella thought with annoyance, getting off the bed and putting her shoes back on. She was sure it was either Dani who was supposed to be watching her room tonight or Eastwood with some developments, or Jim - hopefully with developments, probably with personal bullshit. Walking towards the door she thanked higher powers for the audio surveillance in her room - at least that would stop Jim from going all out in that department. Smiling at that thought, she opened the door, not bothering to look through the peephole - there were policemen watching the door after all.

To say she was surprised to see Tanya Reed Smith standing there would be an understatement.

Reed smiled at her somewhat awkwardly and said:

"Can we talk?"

"Not really" - Stella answered, internally cursing the higher powers for the audio surveillance in her room.

But Reed continued, walking into the room, leaving Stella no choice but to close the door behind her:

"I just need a minute. The thing is I keep waiting for you to kiss me again and you haven't since the day before yesterday. And I just want to know if you re planning to."

"Tanya…" Stella knew there was no saving the situation now, but she could hope not to make it any worse. However Reed had none of it as she went on:

"Or if you want to, because I do want you to. Today when you fell asleep in my office all I could do is stare at you and fight the desire to kiss you awake and have you look at me like you did that night. It's driving me crazy, Stella, you're driving me crazy. And I thought - what the hell? We only live once, which sounds even more real when there's a killer on the loose right here in this very city. I want you and so I'm here." - Reed finished, finally taking a breath and looking Stella in the eye.

Stella was wearing an amused expression on her face as she answered, taking a deliberate step towards Reed:

"Ok. When I said "not really" I meant there were people listening in, as my room is now under surveillance 24/7."

Reed's eyes widened as a heartfelt "Oh, fuck!" fell from her lips.

Stella was standing right in front of her now, so close that Reed could feel the heat radiating from her body. She shot Reed a mischievous smile as she took a step back, undoing the top button of her blouse:

"Yeah. Now, if we're lucky the only person listening to what I have to say was very hot rambling was Farrington, whose shift is tonight…"

Another button undone and Reed could see the lacy bra Stella had on. The embarrassment she felt just a minute ago was quickly turning into lust as Reed moved towards the blond detective who was now standing by the bed as Stella continued:

"If we're not as lucky, the people listening were Farrington and Eastwood who I should say has been weirdly present around here, even though it's not really part of his job."

Reed shuddered - letting the top executives of the police force know about her sexual experiments was not on her agenda. At all. However, she couldn't help, but find the situation funny and somewhat exiting. Especially since Stella's blouse was completely open now, granting her an amazing view of detective's toned body as Stella reached the phone and pressed the connection button.

"Farrington, which one is it?" Stella asked in her cold, office tone, instead of a softer, more sensual one she used with Reed.

"I'm afraid it's option two m'am" - came the reply.

"Fuck!" - Reed exclaimed one again, causing Stella to smirk:

"Right. Before we do that. And believe me when I said I fully intend to" - the shirt was now sliding off her shoulders.

"I can see that" - Reed lowered her voice sensually, raising her hand to trace Stella's now bare shoulder. Her hand was caught mid air, and immediately she felt Stella's slender fingers entwining with hers.

"I just have one question to ask" Stella's eyes were shining with mischief and lust as she continued: "Not that I really care at the moment, but it's a special one for Eastwood. Tanya Reed Smith, are you married?"

Reed expected anything but this. Shocked she blurted out the truth:

"Yes, but we've been separated for months"

"That seems acceptable" - Stella said, reaching for the connection button again.

"Farrington. Sound off for the night."

"Yes, m'am"

And that was the moment Stella Gibson finally pulled Tanya Reed Smith in for a proper kiss.

"You're crazy" - Reed said breathlessly, when Stella's lips left her mouth and moved down to her neck.

"You have no idea" Stella purred.

Those were the last coherent words they exchanged that night


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" - were the first works out of Stella's mouth the following morning as she searched the nightstand for her phone to turn the morning alarm that was beeping mercilessly.

Having found her phone she turned off the alarm and tried to focus her sleepy eyes on the time. 7 am. Stella fell back onto her pillow with a groan. If she wanted to have her usual wake-up swim she needed to get up now, but Stella was considering slacking off this morning.

"It's not like I didn't get enough exercise last night" - she thought, smiling sleepily to herself. Stella stretched lazily and shot a glance to other side of the bed. It was empty.

She vaguely remembered Tanya leaving around 3 am - awkwardly mumbling something about the kids at home. Stella knew there must have been a babysitter with the kids so it was just an excuse for Reed not to spend the night, but she didn't mind. Stella remembered their conversation from last night:

_As she watched Reed get dressed clumsily, her nervousness showing, Stella tried to ease the tension:_

_"Relax, don't make this into more than it is."_

_She could see Tanya relax visibly:_

"_You don't mind?" - the other woman asked carefully. Stella found it sweet that she cared so much - it was obvious the pathologist didn't have much experience with casual sex._

"_Have a safe ride home." - Stella smiled at her an yawned, making herself comfortable under the covers._

"_Ok. Night" - Reed sneaked out of her room like a thief and Stella couldn't help but chuckle - Reed's behaviour was quite childish for someone who barged in here last night and demanded sex. Then again, she demanded kissing didn't she?_

_Well with Stella there were no discount offers like that - she only came as a full package._

Smiling at the memory of last night, Stella made herself get out of bed. No matter how lazy she felt she knew she had to have that swim - physical exercise gave her mind clarity like nothing else. And Stella was sure she would need it today.

She brushed her teeth, got dressed in a simple pants and top, pulled her hair up in a loose ponytail and left the room, grabbing her swimming bag. She was immediately faced with the sight of Eastwood standing in the door opposite her room, talking to someone inside:

"If you need to go out - call the second officer from downstairs. If you need to go to the loo - call the second officer from downstairs. If you feel tired - call the second officer from downstairs. I need that room watched at any single moment - got that?" - Eastwood sounded tired and annoyed and Stella could sympathise - she herself didn't get much sleep last night. Her lips curled up in a smile against her will as her mind drifted back to yesterday's events.

"Tough night?" - she asked Eastwood casually as he turned to face her.

"You could say that." - he answered, giving her that annoying half-smirk and taking in her appearance. Stella smirked back and set off towards the elevator, as he joined her. She wished she was dressed properly - it was the second time already that Eastwood caught her underdressed and it was unsettling for some reason.

They walked towards the elevator in silence, but Stella could feel that smirk was still on his lips. She pushed the button and stole a glance as him - their eyes met for an instant.

Finally, she broke the silence:

"Something you wanted to say?" - She asked, raising her eyebrows at him.

The elevator doors opened and she walked in first, as Eastwood followed.

"I've been meaning to ask you" - he said, pushing the ground floor button. "Do we still require the services of Tom Anderson?" - he grinned at her and Stella couldn't help but smile back playfully:

"Definitely, why limit ourselves?" She pushed the fitness centre button.

"Right, we need to seize all opportunities, don't we?" - Matt retorted, making Stella shoot him an ironic look.

"When they present themselves - yes, I believe so" - Stella refused to let him have one over her in this conversation that both of them knew had nothing to do with Tom Anderson or the ongoing investigation. Luckily for her, they reached the ground floor at that precise moment.

"Have a nice swim" - Eastwood left the elevator still smirking and as the doors closed, Stella finally allowed herself to relax.

* * *

She got to the police station at 8.30 sharp, looking immaculate in a tight black skirt and a dark blue silk blouse. The briefing was scheduled for 8.45 and Stella hoped she would have time to have some coffee at least - between going for a swim, taking a shower and doing her hair she didn't have any time left for breakfast and was starving. Upon entering the building she stopped by the vending machine. After a long look she decided she didn't really want any sandwiches or chocolates and went straight for her office.

"Mary, could you please get me some coffee with milk" - she addressed the station assistant as she passed her by, smiling politely.

"Of course, M'am, coming your way" - Mary replied, getting out of her chair immediately.

"Thank you" - Stella walked by and entered her office.

It wasn't until she took of her coat and began to unpack her bag that she noticed a package sitting on the table with a note attached to it.

Stella stared at the package suspiciously and looked around - there weren't many people at the office yet and everyone seemed to be busy with their own staff. Stella felt her heart beat faster, her hands turning cold - was it another threat? A body part? At this point she could expect anything.

As she unfolded the note the only thing on her mind was "how the fuck did he get in here?!" as she had no doubt the package was from Spector. However, the note said:

"Didn't think you'd have time for breakfast. Please seize this opportunity to have some."

Stella let out a breath, chuckling at the way Eastwood always had to have the last word and rolling her eyes at her own fear a couple of minutes earlier. She knew she should really relax a bit, but it wasn't easy after the incident in her hotel room.

She opened the package and was greeted with a sign of a ham and cheese croissant, a banana cake and a box of fresh melon.

"Here's your coffee, M'am" - she heard Mary's voice from the door.

"Thank you, Mary" - Stella took the coffee and opened her laptop, deciding to go over the bullet points for the morning meeting as she enjoyed her impromptu breakfast.


	6. Chapter 6

** Chapter 6**

* * *

_post 2x05_

_UPD - I'm trying to follow the chain of events from the series, OMG how the F. am I going to include her "accident" with Tom freaking Anderson into this... (ijustdontseeit, thankyoudearstella, thankyoudearalan, wtfhowcouldshecheatonbothreedandeastwood, itmusthavebeenanaccident, imscaredofwritingchapter7)_  
_ps. thank you all so much for following and reviewing the story! means a lot :)_

* * *

Ten hours later Stella thought back to the morning and it seemed like a lifetime away. As she saw Spector staring into the CCTV in his cell, she felt a shiver run down her spine.

It was a shiver of excitement. She got him. Finally, the animal was locked up in a cage where he truly belonged. Stella let out a breath with a slight smile - this day truly couldn't have ended better then the forensic experts linking the scissors to the crime scene. She felt the phone in her hand buzz.

"Any plans tonight? ;)" - The text message was from Reed. Stella eyed the phone, before dialling the pathologist number.

"Hello?" - Tanya picked up immediately, smile obvious in her voice.

"Hi, Tanya. Listen, It's been a busy day, so…" - Stella knew she sounded cold, but she didn't want the other woman to get an idea that this was going somewhere. If there was one thing she didn't need it was romance with all the texting and dinners and sleepovers. With Olsen she didn't even bother to answer, but Reed was more of a friend, then a one night stand, so she decided to address the issue.

"Oh." - Reed sounded frustrated. "I see. I was just asking cause if we do have plans I'd need to arrange a babysitter for the girls."

Stella cringed. That was just the thing she really hated - first there was meeting someone. Looking them in the eyes the first time. Then there was the seduction - the longing gazes, the first seemingly unintentional touches, the whole game. Then came the culmination - desire, lust, sex. And then life usually kicked in. Plans, arrangements, commitments, responsibility - and none of that was even remotely as interesting as the first three steps. That's why Stella preferred not to go there.

"I don't think there would be the need for that tonight." - Stella hated the fact that she had a killer in custody and the Benedetto girl in custody and she was waisting her time on discussing Reed's babysitter instead of coming up with a plan on how to find Rose. Stella knew that every minute counted right now.

"No need for that tonight or no need ever?" - Reed's voice turned cold matching Stella's icy tone.

"Please let's not do this?" - Stella was both annoyed and regretful. She didn't want to alienate the person she was closest to here in Belfast. This was supposed to be an adventure for both of them, nothing more and Stella though Reed knew that.

"You're right. Sorry. It's just that I've never really done this casual thing so I don't know how to tackle it without being rude or seeming clingy. Just trying to do this right." - the truth was Reed did know what they were, or better to say what they weren't. She had two daughters and an estranged husband who she might or might not reunite with. Tanya Reed Smith's life was complicated enough without the sexy Stella Gibson in the mix. And right now she really hated herself for sounding clingy when she really wasn't, but the more words came out of her mouth the worse she felt.

"I know." - Stella smiled at Tanya's verbal clumsiness. "Just…"

"Go with the flow?" - Reed smirked slightly.

"I think so." - Stella smiled with relief as the situation seemed to resolve itself.

"Ok. Any news about Rose?"

"Not yet I'm afraid. I'm working on it" - Stella shot a look at the printed stills from the videos of Rose, but decided against telling Tanya - she didn't want to upset her or give her false hopes. Rose could be dead by now for all she knew.

"Good luck. And good night, Stella." - Reed knew the conversation was over.

"Thanks." Stella put the phone down. After a minute's hesitation she pressed "play" and watched the terrible video again, hoping to find something, some clue, to get into the mind of the pervert sleeping in his cell right now.

By the time the video was over Stella found her cheeks wet all over again. The sorrow she felt for Rose and the disgust she felt for Spector were immense. Stella got up abruptly - she needed some air and some place where she could think. Soon she found herself on the roof.

The night was unusually cold and she pulled her coat tighter around her. The wind was playing in her hair as she leaned on the railing, taking in the lights of the city. Stella thought back to the moment Spector called her from Rose's phone. He must have been looking over the city as well. The motherfucker chose a place with a view. That thought gave her chills that had nothing to do with the cold of the night. She actually enjoyed the cold - the sharpness of the icy air gave her mind clarity like nothing else. Today had been a good day. She had Spector, she had the witness, she had the murder weapon with his prints and the victim's blood. Now all she needed was to find Rose, hopefully alive.

Stella felt tired, the sleepless nights and the stress of the passing weeks was catching up to her. Throwing one last look at the night city she headed down. The office was empty and as Stella grabbed her bag and was heading out she saw the light in Eastwood's office.

"Thank you for the breakfast." - she said leaning against the doorframe taking in his tired look.

"It was nothing." - Matt looked up, a hint of smile in his eyes. "By the way - congratulations. The surveillance has been lifted from your room."

"It didn't bother me much." - Stella said nonchalantly, playing it cool for no apparent reason. "At least you get to go home and get some sleep."

"Yeah, that has been long overdue I guess." - he smirked at her, but she could see how exhausted he really looked.

"One question." - Stella almost left, but the question had been bothering her for a while now so she decided to tackle it.

"I answer yours if you answer mine."

Stella rolled her eyes at him - of course there was no way of getting something from Matt Eastwood without paying the price.

"There was surveillance and two officers watching my room round the clock. So why did you feel the need to be there as well?"

"You'd rather I leave your safety in the hands of the officers who literally were outside one of the victim's house while she was being murdered, then failed to recognise the killer's profile in Spector when he came in, and then ruined the ceiling of his house while installing surveillance? Sorry Stella, I was just appointed Deputy SIO on this case and I'm not planning to go up the ranks anytime soon." - Eastwood explained calmly, with that dry humour of his Stella had already grown accustomed to.

"And your question?" - She raised her eyebrow preparing for some verbal face-off.

"I'll save it for later." - He replied matter-of-factly. "By the way, great idea, having Tom Anderson arrest and interview him. The two are like brothers - tall, fit, handsome. Tom annoyed the hell out of Spector."

"I noticed that as well. But he hasn't talked yet." Stella stated, looking Eastwood in the eye.

"He will. He'll talk to you only and you know that." Eastwood

"I know I need to play my cards right so it's not me who comes begging. And I'm close because…"

"There's still no sign of Rose." - Easwood saw how her face fell at the mention of the missing woman. "I saw the footage."

"Yeah, me too." - Stella studied the floor, hiding the remorse that was shining in her eyes.

"Stella, you need to stop blaming yourself for this."

"I should have seen it coming. Should have assumed she might have been his first and only living victim." - Stella's voice was raw with emotion as she felt her throat close up a bit, making it hard for her to get the words out.

"We all make mistakes" - Eastwood's voice seemed to have come from afar even though he was across the room from her. Stella raised her head with a bitter smile:

"That's what I told you once".

"I know." He said, looking her in the eye.

What seemed like an eternity later Stella nodded him "goodbye" and left for her Hotel.

Driving back to the hotel she dialled Tanya Reed Smith.

"Stella?" - came the hushed and slightly sleepy reply.

"Hey. I didn't realise it was so late." - Stella said, throwing a glance at the clock in her car. It was past 1 am.

"You all right?"

"Yes, fine. Was going to take you up on your earlier offer, but I guess another time then."

"I could figure something out..." - Reed was obviously sleeping, her voice was giving her away.

"No don't, Tanya. It's late, I'm tired as well." - Stella lied,she was never too tired for sex. Well sometimes, but not tonight.

"You sure?" - came another sleepy reply.

"Yes, go back to bed." - Stella smiled at how adorable Reed sounded.

"I am in bed. There's no need to get out of bed since they invented mobile phones you know." - Tanya smiled into the phone as she got more comfortable under the covers.

"Yeah? What are you wearing?" - Stella teased her, driving up to the hotel.

"Not much. Wanna come over and see for yourself?" - Tanya decided two could play that game.

"Rain check?" - Stella looked at her hotel longingly, realising all she wanted right now was a hot bath and her bed. Also Tanya in her bed. But going over to the house of her friend-lover with Tanya's two daughters sleeping there was not her idea of sexy.

"Tease." - Reed retorted. "I'm going back to sleep then."

"Sweet dreams." Stella said in her best seductive voice and was rewarded with a groan:

"Oh I hope so." - Reed could also sound quite sexy on the phone, Stella realised as the other woman hung up on her.


	7. Chapter 7

_I feel like i cheated death by moving the whole Anderson thing to Ch /_

_Too bad I can't avoid it forever._

* * *

**Chapter 7.**

_Get to your office._  
_Get the essentials and the blouse to change into._  
_Get to the bathroom._  
_Change your blouse._  
_Put the red one on the hanger._  
_Splash some water on your face._  
_Fix your make up._

Stella followed her own commands, going through the motions like she wasn't even present herself, her eyes empty. She felt like she was walking on a very soft duvet, that the same duvet was all around her, separating her from the outside world. She vaguely remembered Burns talking to her as she left the interrogation room, then some kind of internal safety machinist must have kicked in, just telling her what to do. Everything seemed far away, her own emotions pooled up on the outside, not slipping into the shell she was in. The voices, the sounds, the smells - all of it behind the soft, but thick barrier.

She stared at her own reflection in the mirror, a feeling of annoyance at how completely white and blank she looked slipping in. Inhale. Exhale. Again.

Half an hour wasted sitting in the disgusting presence of Spector. Listening to his bragging. No information about Rose.

No information about Rose.

That thought hit her even through the shell as Stella closed her eyes. All she wanted to do right now was to punch the bathroom wall. Hard. Several times. Break the fucking mirror. Watch her knuckles bleed. Watch the blood trailing down the wall. Hit the wall again. Stella opened her eyes.

_Focus._  
_Inhale._  
_Exhale._  
_Brace yourself._  
_You know there's no time for this._  
_Snap out of this._  
_Snap the fuck out of this!_

Suddenly it felt like the earplugs were pulled out from her ears, a river of surrounding sounds enveloping her, rushing into her, deafening her for a moment.

The eyes of the woman in the mirror widened from the sensory overload. The smells, the sounds, the cold sink under her fingers - Stella looked down and saw that she was clutching the sink hard, her knuckles white. She let go reluctantly, grabbing onto a wall as she lost her balance.

"Fuck this." she whispered, angry at herself for allowing that kind of shutdown to happen.

She took several more breaths and felt a wave of nausea wash over her. Drinking some cold tap water helped.

"Get yourself together for fucks sake" Stella whispered again and smirked at how pale she looked.

_"Smirking is good. Smirking means I'm almost back to normal"_ she thought, and suddenly Eastwood's famous smirk came to her mind. _"Maybe that's the way he checks if he's really there as well"_ \- that thought earned her another smirk and she was ready to be Superintendent Gibson again.

As she left the bathroom, looking sharp and confident, her make up fresh, healthy blush on her cheeks, not a single soul in the police department of Belfast could have guessed Stella Gibson had just had one of the biggest meltdowns of her life.

No information about Rose. It's been almost 4 days. Everyone knows that after a week the chances to find a person alive are close to zero. Also, it was obvious Rose was on borrowed time from the moment they caught Spector as there was no one to take care of her anymore, no matter how perverse it might seem. She is tied up and locked up somewhere without food or water and if she is still alive, every minute counts now.

All of that was running through Stella's mind as she sat in her office, drinking coffee. Right now there wasn't much she could do - all of the PSNI forces were thrown onto finding Rose and her job was pretty much done for today. Stella glanced at her watch - it was already after 6 pm, she had nothing to do so she could as well head back to the hotel and have some rest. Maybe call Tanya... That would be the logical thing to do, but Stella felt it would be wrong. So she just sat there, all the events of today coming back to her forming a weird mosaic. Spector's daughter and her desire to protect him, Eastwood telling her about Sally Ann having a miscarriage, Spector's exited eyes as they finally came face to face, his daughter's trapped look as she was asked about the naked lady, Katie and Spector's encounter in a hotel room, Katie saying she loved Spector, Anderson trying to get Katie to talk, Spector talking freely about his first murders, Burns being Burns and annoying her to the point of her being cruel to him…

Burns chose that exact moment to appear at her door.

"Are you alright?" He asked softly and annoyance shot through Stella immediately once again.

She couldn't believe that she actually admired him once, a long time ago. Now the only thing she felt for the man was a mixture of pity and disdain. Also anger… Because he let her down. He didn't live up to what she thought of him in the past, ready to leave his family, his children after a half-drunken one-night stand. He wasn't living up to her expectations now, many years later, proving to be a slow-thinking, indecisive and even misguided police officer. The incident in her hotel room was the last straw.

"Yes." she answered, trying not to inspire a conversation to actually happen.

"Listen, about earlier… I thought about what you said and…" Jim was once again struggling to find words. Stella groaned internally. She was hard on him, but he was just asking for it, acting all high and mighty. It was a really daring act after all that had happened.

"It's over Jim. The incident's over. The conversation's over. Just let it rest." she tried hard to keep herself from rolling her eyes at him - he was her boss after all.

"It's not over for me, Stella. I'm not sure it will ever be." he said quietly. "Today as I sat there, listening to you interviewing Spector, I felt… I felt such desire, such need to protect you, to shelter you from all that… from all those horrible things he was saying… from the way he looked at you, like he knew you…" Jim looked down, then raised his eyes to stud her reaction. It was obvious he expected her to be flattered by this somehow, but Stella really wasn't.

"You really are trying to romanticise this."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it's quite ironic that you of all people would be so protective of me, don't you think?"

"Stella, I said I was sorry…"

"And I said there was no need. And right now there's no need for this. Try to be a fucking professional, Jim, we can't keep having those conversations." Stella was losing it. Normally she would restrain herself to making stern remarks and putting up with Jim, but it had been a really hard day. He had a hurt puppy look written all over his face and Stella inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to calm down. "I am here to do my job, Jim. Let me."

Jim looked sad, but something in his demeanour changed, like he was finally remembering he was in fact the Assistant Chief Constable of PSNI.

"You're right. I haven't been myself since you came down here. I must have… It won't happen again…" He cleared his throat. "The Spector's confession served us well today. Monroe agreed to additional funding of the search for Rose Stagg given that we have managed to catch the Belfast Strangler. It's a big score for PSNI and I have you to thank for that."

"Everyone worked hard." Stella said sincerely. She knew how much of a toll this case took on all the officers - no one had had a proper night's sleep in days. It wasn't her singular effort and she was determined to have Jim recognise that.

"They did. They also made a lot of mistakes." he said quietly.

"It was a very demanding case. They did well and they learned a lot."

"I hope so."

"And the case is not over, Jim. We still have to find Rose Stagg. Now that we have extra money should we send another search team?"

"Already did. Eastwood was handling this today. I think he might have some updates for you."

"Thank you." Stella got up graciously, letting him know the conversation was over.

"The press conference is tomorrow afternoon. You should prepare a speech." Jim added as she moved past him to go find Eastwood.

"I will." she replied, noticing that Matt wasn't in his office. She could see through the window that the lights were on, but there was no one inside. Stella asked a couple of people, but no one had seen Eastwood in the last twenty minutes. Then an idea hit her. Stella grabbed her coat and went upstairs to the roof.

He was standing there, a silhouette in the lights of a seemingly peaceful city.

"Hey" he said without turning to greet her as Stella stood next to him, breathing in the chilly air.

"Are you all right?" she didn't look at him, her question was already stepping out of the comfort zone.

"I think I should be asking you that. Wasn't me who sat in front of a serial killer listening to him talk about his crimes and being proud of it."

"Wasn't me who sat in front of a woman having a miscarriage because the information I had to present to her." There really wasn't a soft way to word this. There was a long pause almost too long, before Eastwood finally replied:

"Let's say we both had it pretty rough today."

Stella didn't answer, still looking at the city. The lights were calming, welcoming. If she turned to steal a look at Eastwood she'd see he wasn't looking at her either. It was a weird way to talk, just looking straight ahead and getting the words out, but for some reason it was easier for both of them. The trust to look each other in the eye in raw moments like this one hadn't been built yet, but it was a work in progress. The trust itself was there, Stella realised as they just stood there on the roof, giving each other all the support they could offer at the moment.

Finally, she broke the silence:  
"Burns told me about the additional search group you sent?" The personal talk was over, now it was safe to look at each other again and their eyes met instantly.

Matt thought she looked like she had been crying again. He hated this look on her.  
Stella thought he looked grim, older, sad, defeated. She hated this look on him.

"Yes. The new unit is searching the forest. It's a wild bet, but we've ruled out everything else."

"I see." Stella sighed, knowing the only thing they could rely on right now was their luck - and this one wasn't a gamble she was particularly exited about - the stakes were too high. By the look on Eastwood's face she could tell he felt the same way. "I think Spector is planning something." she continued. "Have you seen the interview?"

"I have, yes."

"I think he let me have it easy today. Too easy."

"Lets go down to the office." Eastwood offered, noticing how cold she looked. "I feel like I could use some tea."

"I feel like I could use some whiskey." Stella followed him down with relief, it was really quite freezing on the roof.

"I have some hidden behind the flower pot."

The half-smirk was back on Eastwood's face now and Stella knew he should be just fine.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8.**

"What do you mean he let you have it easy?" Eastwood's eyes were fixed on her as hers chose to study the contents of her glass.

"Do you have children?" Stella shot him a look, their eyes meeting immediately. Neither looked away.

"I have a daughter, she is 14 at the moment."

"And you love her very much" Stella continued for him, sipping her whiskey. Eastwood nodded, suddenly bewildered by the sight of her licking her lips absent-mindedly.

"How would you feel…" Stella took a moment to pause and really look at him, "if I told you I think you love her a little bit too much? That you are… obsessed with her. That I believe you can't fall asleep at night because you're imagining doing things to her. Touching her. That you might have already tried it before, when she was too little to realise what you were doing? How would you feel about me telling you that?" Her face was an expressionless mask and Eastwood narrowed his eyes, caught in a rush of anger, nevertheless answering calmly:

"Deeply offended? Outraged at the suggestion?"

"Right. Those are the emotions we are taught to control. Like you are controlling them right now. Would you say it struck a nerve though?"

"Of course not, it's complete bullshit."

"Exactly." Stella finally allowed herself to smile at him lightly. The experiment was over, the whiskey in her glass was not.

"Ah." Eastwood smirked, obviously amused. "I didn't think about it that way to be honest."

"It's not obvious. It sure sounded horrible but that was all it was to it. There were things in that journal he could have used against me. He is a psychologist, he couldn't have missed them."

"Now the question is why he didn't fire all his guns." He said as their eyes met once again. A second later they uttered simultaneously:

"He must want something."

A comfortable silence fell between them.

Finally, Eastwood said what he knew Stella was thinking right now. It was for him to put it into words as she wouldn't... couldn't.

"That means there's still a chance to find Rose."

A simple "yes" was all that Stella let out, downing the remains of her whiskey in one gulp. A simple "yes" to this hope was almost too much. Stella put her empty glass down on the table and wondered how much more of today she could handle. The truth was simple: none. Her defeated look and trembling fingers didn't go unnoticed: Eastwood casually finished his own drink and got up.

"I should get going. Promised my daughter I'd take her out tonight - and I'm not the kind to stand a woman up."

Stella felt an unwelcome smile being born on her lips. She really didn't feel like smiling, yet here she was. Simple things would do that to you.

"Always a gentleman, are you?" She teased, and felt the tension in the room dissolving to nothing, or better say transforming into something… playful.

"Always is a big word." Eastwood all but winked at her and Stella felt it again: there were these moments when it seemed like her and Matt Eastwood were in their own special brand of high school. Those moments that never really happened before she met Eastwood. Stella wasn't sure she had a lot of them when she was in actual high-school, but here in Belfast, under the scrutinising gaze and a knowing smirk of this man she felt like a 16 year old and she hated it. But if she was completely honest with herself she'd admit it was kind of a little exhilarating. Just a bit.

"Actions speak louder then the biggest words." She said, still smiling at him as he collected his belongings and headed towards the door, her words stopping him dead in his tracks right in front of her.

Suddenly their height difference became something tangible as Stella looked up into his face, taking in his rather sharp features.

There was not supposed to be any kind of "moment" happening between them, but there was no use denying that it was happening indeed. Stella shivered as she heard him utter softly:

"That they do." Their eyes met again and Stella's mind went into overdrive.

_"I don't want this man." _she thought. Het skin felt tingly. _"I want the sexy motorcycle riding pathologist in a leather jacket." _Matt's blue eyes were mesmerising for some reason and Stella felt a familiar feeling in her lower belly. Excitement. Arousal. Anticipation. "_I don't even like Eastwood." _Suddenly breathing was not such an easy thing to manage. _"I should want to be fucking and kissing Tanya. I really liked that." _Matt moved towards her, closing the distance between them and it all felt like slow motion. _"I don't even find him that attractive."_ Stella felt a rush of heat roll over her as he got closer. Her palms were sweaty. _"I can't believe I'm going to let him kiss me right now" _was her last coherent thought as he closed the distance between them and she closed her eyes.

The kiss was light as a feather. She could have sworn she didn't feel it at all except she did: his lips touching her temple tenderly. The room felt cold all of a sudden. Her lips felt cold, disappointed. Her eyes shot open as she heard him say "Goodnight Stella" and he was out the door. As he left she had to grip the chair by her side for support. This was weird. She knew it would be better to just go to the hotel and sleep it off.

As she was heading out, her coat already on, warming her up, she felt drawn by the timeline board, Looking over the pictures of those dead girls, at the picture of Rose was devastating. It also gave her the strength to keep going. This particular kind of anger was fuel to her brain. Her brain was acting treacherous though as it kept going back to Eastwood. Stella still couldn't believe how turned on she still was. _"It must be all the stress" _she thought as she saw Tom Anderson approaching her.

"I thought I was alone here" she said absent-mindedly as he just stared at her, coming up with some uninteresting answer. Stella watched him instead of listening: he really was quite good-looking. And he looked at her like she was some kind of goddess. She knew she should just go to the hotel. Or call Tanya. Instead she found herself asking him if having a drink would be a good idea.

* * *

He went straight for her lips and she let him. He was a good kisser.

The excitement wasn't there.

_"You have sex in the head"_ Spector's words echoed through her mind as she let Tom bring her closer, hold her tighter.

The excitement wasn't there.

His hands were on her back, stroking her trough her clothes, his fingertips grazing her ass sensually.

Stella tore her lips away from his, catching his hands and stopping him from moving, taking control. His eyes were huge and somewhat pleading, his lips flushed and plump from kissing her seconds earlier.

_"Hm."_

He moved to kiss her again, but Stella turned her head slightly, his lips finding her temple.

His lips felt wrong there.

She slid the leather vest off his broad shoulders and helped him out of his t-shirt, stopping his every effort to touch her. Finally her fingers got to touch his hot skin.

_"Not bad." _

He looked utterly helpless and at her mercy. She bit his lip as he leaned in to kiss her and a familiar tingle of arousal lazily appeared.

_"That's more like it." _

* * *

He was sleeping, looking way too young and innocent. Stella caught herself staring.

_"I should have just gone to the hotel alone." _She thought for a thousand's time that night. She was actually ashamed that she thought that while she was in bed with Tom Anderson. It wasn't that he did something wrong, instead Stella felt like it was her who was missing something. That spark, that chemistry always found so easily was just not there. The sex was good, but her body was reluctant. Stella closed her eyes and went back in time for a moment.

She remembered standing so close to Eastwood, his masculine smell enveloping her, his eyes peering into hers… She couldn't concentrate on writing her speech for tomorrow. All she could think of was that moment when he leant into her…

The feeling in her lower belly was back. Excitement. Arousal. Anticipation.

Stella bit back a groan and shot a look at the unmoving form of Tom. Having a one-night stand fall asleep in her bed was an inconvenience, but Stella didn't have a heart to wake him, knowing he worked day and night like the rest of the team and must be exhausted.

As she climbed under the covers she felt the heat of his sleeping body and she immediately remembered how close Eastwood was standing earlier, how she got so hot her palms were sweaty. Arousal shot through her again, this time mixed with anger - why that fuck was Eastwood her undoing for tonight?

Tom Anderson woke up to a sharp pain from the woman of his dreams biting his ear.

"You didn't think we were finished, did you?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

_24 hours later. _

"Care for some tea?"

Tanya Reed Smith put the cup with hot liquid on the nearby metal table quietly and moved to stand at Stella's side. There was a long silence before the other woman replied.

"Sorry?"

"Tea."

"Thank you." Stella made no move towards the cup, still standing over the dead body of Paul Spector covered by a white sheet.

Reed didn't really know what to do and considered leaving the blond detective alone, but something inside wouldn't let her. Instead, she reached out for Stella's cold hand and held it tight within her own.

"It's alright" she heard herself say and she knew immediately how meaningless it was, how empty the promise of it was, but it was the only thing he could think of to say really, so it had to do for now. Stella's hand was unmoving in her grip, but after another long silence Reed heard her say:

"It's better then alright, Tanya. We found Rose alive, we caught the bastard. It's the best possible outcome."

It really was in Tanya's opinion. Nevertheless Stella didn't look like she meant what she said. The woman had been standing here, over the killer's dead body for over half an hour now and Tanya didn't know what to make of it or what to say in this situation. She hoped to at least give Stella some comfort, but the woman was a mystery in respect of whether she needed that comfort at all. It was hard to tell what she was thinking, so Tanya took a chance at subtly nudging her to open up:

"But he is dead…"

"Indeed."

And that was all she got. Tanya felt the conversation was over when Stella finally moved, her hand slipping out of Tanya's grip. She reached for the still hot cup of tea.

"Could we talk?" She asked in her more or less normal voice, sipping the tea.

_"So we're back to normal like the most awkward half in hour of silence in my life didn't just happen. Ok" _Reed thought, nodding curtly at Stella.

"My office maybe?" She suggested, hoping the talk wouldn't have to happen here, over Spector's dead body. Even though he was dead Tanya couldn't really bear to be in a room with him, just thinking what a monster he was and what he had done to Rose sent her into blind rage. She'd done her work, wrote up an autopsy report and wanted to forget that poor excuse for a human being had ever walked the face of the earth.

"Sure." Stella followed her into the cozy room in the back. She sunk down onto the couch gracefully, still holding on to her cup of tea. Tanya caught herself wondering where she should sit herself. The couch would be closer to Stella which she desperately wanted, but sitting behind her desk would give her the confidence she desperately needed. Finally she opted for the couch.

It had been a few days since she last saw Stella. Or better to say since she escaped her hotel room at 4 in the morning. Then there had been that weird phone conversation. And now this. Reed knew she wasn't supposed to overthink what happened between them, but it was getting exceedingly hard every day. And now there she was sitting next to Stella, yet it seemed like the detective was as distant as ever.

"What's going on?" Reed probed carefully. "I know the shooting messed up all the plans, but why are you hiding out here, instead of… What are you supposed to be doing?"

"Having some rest. Celebrating. Writing several reports about how the shooting happened."

"And why exactly are you not doing any of the above? This…" Reed looked around the room and shrugged her shoulders. "… doesn't look like celebrating to me."

"I'm not in the mood for celebrating." Stella finally looked her in the eye. Reed shivered at the intensity of her stare, something strange was written all over Stella's face. Something that looked too much like fear. If Reed didn't know better she'd say the detective superintendent was terrified, but she wasn't the one to jump to conclusions.

"Explain." She asked softly instead.

"Remember we talked about doubling? That time at the hospital?"

"Sure."

"You must have heard about yesterday. About what happened." Stella's voice was hollow, she was looking away once again. Reed missed the connection instantly.

"I didn't hear it from you." Blue eyes bore into hers again.

"We found Rose in the forest, she was alive and the medical team was working on her." Stella's speech was well-paced, almost rehearsed. "I was just going back to where Spector and the police officers guarding him were standing. Then I saw a shadow of a man running out of the forest and shots being fired. I saw Tom Anderson and Paul Spector being hit, falling to the ground and then immediately their attacker being hit and also falling to the ground. That's when I…" her voice hitched here and Reed knew that the next bit of information must have something to do with Stella's issue judging by the way the woman braced herself before continuing. "That's when I started running towards them. I ran to Spector's side and estimated his condition - it was bad - he took two bullets to the abdomen. Then I looked over at Tom Anderson - Dani Herrington was already at his side. His wound didn't look too serious - he took a bullet to the shoulder. He is at the hospital now." She paused, getting up and starting to pace back and forth about the small office.

"And then the medical team arrived 10 minutes later, Spector died in the ambulance." Reed finished for her in an attempt to make it easier on Stella.

"And for those 10 minutes I held him." Stella's voice was barely above a whisper.

"I know." Now it was time for Reed to avert her eyes. She had a feeling this was going to be one of those conversation one in her line of work should try to avoid, yet it was staring her right in the face judging by Stella's determination.

"I held him. To my fucking chest like a baby."

"I know." Reed answered calmly once again. Stella stopped pacing and was now towering over her, her eyes bright with some emotion that was hard to define. Reed was pretty sure it fell somewhere between anger, desperation and fear.

"Even worse. After the shooting I only cared about him. I didn't even look at detective sergeant who was lying right next to him. He could have been dead already and I didn't even care to look at him."

"Stella, calm down, you're a professional. I'm sure you had seen that Anderson was hit in the shoulder. That's why you prioritised the person who was obviously hurt more."

Stella inhaled and landed back on the couch, defeated.

"It sure as hell looked that way to everyone." She said bitterly. "Except it wasn't."

There was another long silence.

"It wasn't me Tanya. In that moment at the scene it wasn't me, not really. It was the hunter part of me taking over." Stella said quietly. "That's what doubling does to you. One day you might just lose yourself."

Tanya knew she had to say something helpful. She thought she wouldn't be able to come up with anything until she heard her own words, her hand landing softly on Stella's shoulder:

"So maybe you did. For a moment. It happened. But it was you who stopped him, Stella. It was you who prevented him from killing more women. It was you who saved Rose."

"It was me who set her up in the first place."

"It wasn't you who kidnapped her. You did this. You stopped that monster of a man, lying on the table in the autopsy room. Maybe it was worth it."

" I can't forget the way he looked at me." Stella leaned back against the back of the couch and closed her eyes, her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

"Who?"

"Anderson. He had that look of utter disbelief, that I wouldn't even care to see if he was alive."

"And what did you do?"

"I held Spector. Screamed for help. Doesn't matter. There were two man down, one of them was a serial killer and another was a police officer on duty. The right thing to do would be to tend to the officer first. I can't fucking believe it. That boy… That boy spent a night in my bed, then he got almost killed protecting a known criminal and I didn't even care to check if he was alive."

Tanya felt like the air was kicked out of her lungs. She knew now was not the time or place for jealousy, but she couldn't help the sharp pain she felt hearing Stella's admission. She was well aware that the nature of their intimacy was meant to be temporary, but she realised she didn't quite understand just how temporary. Their friendship didn't have to be though and there were more important matters at hand now then her own hurt feelings.

"Are you wondering if it was worth it?" Tanya tried to keep her voice normal, but it still sounded foreign no her. Stella didn't seem to notice the change in her demeanour though.

"You mean losing myself?"

"For a moment. Losing yourself for a moment."

"Of course it was worth it, that's not the question." There was another long pause that Tanya had to endure, stopping herself from asking the obvious, before Stella continued: "The question is how long can I go on before I lose myself completely."

"You won't." Tanya stilled herself from reaching out towards her, the admission about a one-night stand with Anderson still stung. "Whenever something like that happened to me in the past, and believe me it has happened, I thought about my family. My husband. My girls. Those are anchors keeping you at bay Stella. Your friends. Your parents. People you love." Reed avoided the _"your children"_ part, knowing Stella didn't have any.

"Right." Stella allowed herself to smile a bit and opened her eyes, turning her head to face Reed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome" Reed suddenly felt very awkward and got off the couch, moving to sit behind her desk. She caught herself wondering if Stella had anyone at all? She seemed social enough so must have friends. But does she have someone she loves? She might as well... Tanya realised she knew nothing about Stella's life - the woman hadn't shared much, especially given that they had little time to socialize and they hadn't grown close enough to discuss each other's personal life. Yet.

"I'm sorry." Stella's voice interrupted Tanya's thoughts and the pathologist's head shot up in surprise.

"What about?"

Tanya grabbed some folder ad opened it, pretending to be checking some data and cursing internally about the stupidity of her question.

"Anderson."

"Ah." Tanya put on her best polite smile. "It's not like we are… involved or anything. You don't have to apologise."

"But we are."

Tanya's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry?"

Did Stella really think they were involved? Tanya shifted in her seat anxiously. Between feeling jealous and hurt by another woman's admission of sleeping with Anderson, she forgot to consider the rationality of her sentiments. Did she want or need Stella in her life for real? Was she ready to try something serious with her? To let her in? To be her anchor? Tanya had to admit she wasn't sure about that. The thing between them had been a beautiful and exquisite fantasy, an adventure. Tanya never really entertained the idea that this fantasy could come true. She fantasised about it, sure, but now when she was faced with the possibility of that dream coming true she was truly startled. All that time Stella was driving this: first telling her it wasn't serious and now… what is she was giving her a choice?

"We are involved."

_"Oh shit. What do I do?" _ran through Tanya's mind. The only thing that registered at that point was the fact that she wasn't exactly filled with joy over Stella's suggestion. Panic was more like it. Having someone so gorgeous and brilliant want to be with you was extremely flattering, but deep inside Tanya knew Stella was too volatile, too dangerous a substance to let into her life. The life that was hard to balance as it was.

Since Tanya was busy just staring at Stella, the detective continued:

"We have a personal relationship. Most importantly, I've began to think of you as a friend. I wouldn't want to hurt you."

_"Thank God." _So they were on the same page after all.

"You didn't hurt me. Maybe just a bit, but I'll survive" this time Tanya's smile was genuine.

" I was in a bad place last night and I didn't want to use you in that way." Stella smirked slightly and Tanya allowed herself to smirk back:

"Thank you… I guess." She said pointedly and both women laughed out loud.

The friendship had just been restored and cemented.


End file.
